Practice: Another one of those words we throw around theoretically a lot. We talk often about “practice” in this space, but we thought we’d break it down to brass tacks and talk about what it means in form and execution. Not necessarily the sexiest topic in the world, as it probably throws us back to tedious hours practing our piano scales or long hours in the hot sun at soccer practice - but it’s really really important nonetheless, especially in today’s fast-paced world, where we barely have time to think and where the expectation of immediate gratification is so rampant. That frankly odious statement, “practice makes perfect,” is in fact true - and we’re forgetting to do it with our professional relationships.
SO - why is practice so important? Well, in business, connecting, maintaining, sustaining and nurturing relationships is an indisputable necessity. Business is done because of relationships - full stop. Sadly, we have become complacent in remembering the importance of our colleagues to our businesses, deferring to connecting on social media or quick emails to stay caught up with their lives - which is a woeful substitute to actually, really and truly knowing someone. Media is one-dimensional. Humans are very very multidimensional. Letting ourselves be known can be scary, for sure! It requires some vulnerability in allowing the other to know us, and some curiosity on our part to know them: our integrity, our beliefs, what we stand for professionally, are we reliable, dependable, patient, pleasant, fun, maybe funny? Smart? Someone they’d like to do business with? Someone they feel comfortable inviting to their networks? Someone they wouldn’t hesitate to pick up the phone to refer a colleague to? If we all can agree that these relationships are important in business, then why are we talking about practice?
Practice, as defined by Google, is “performing (an activity) or exercise (a skill) repeatedly or regularly in order to improve or maintain one's proficiency…...the actual application or use of an idea, belief, or method, as opposed to theories relating to it.” In short, action, not theory. None of us were born with the ability to put ourselves out there, feel comfortable in the discomfort of meeting new people, strike up and initiate or engage in an interesting conversation, know what questions to ask to keep a conversation going - just like none of us were born walking. They are all skills that require effort, possibly some uneasiness, maybe some embarrassment, definitely some mistakes, all with the goal of arriving at some modicum of minor successes, which in turn fuels us to keep trying, all the while learning from our missteps. This is how we learn and grow.
When I was starting out as a legal headhunter a million years ago, I was naturally good with people, but knew absolutely nothing about the practice of law (didn’t even know there was a difference between transactional law and litigation!). My learning curve was ridiculously steep, educating myself about law and lawyers, and I can’t tell you how many times I humiliated myself by ignorantly misspeaking - even up to the point of being dismissed from a meeting because I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. I was told some variation of “How dare you waste my time?” several times (lawyers can be mean sometimes). But, I was committed to learning the language of law, dedicated to my albeit new career, determined not to look like an idiot in interactions with my clients and colleagues, and committed to establishing relationships by following up - yes, even with the mean ones - redeeming myself in the process, with clients I wanted to build relationships with in the field. And yes, you guessed it, all this took time and intention with a clear understanding of what I wanted to accomplish. Building my network.
Fast forward to the present. Recently, a good friend of mine needed an attorney. He didn’t know what kind of lawyer, but he needed legal counsel pronto! It was a Friday at 5 p.m. He described his situation, and I knew immediately what area of law he needed advice from, and, at 5 p.m. on a Friday, reached out to 4 attorney contacts I knew who practiced this area of law. Every single one of them responded almost immediately. They know me, they trust me, and they were willing to help. By 9 a.m. the following Monday, we had my friend connected with counsel and now, he is well represented. You don’t get that kind of response from doing a Google search and calling a random professional. Period. But I had the relationships, which I had built up over 20 years, all of which have become personal and professional friends (it also had the added benefit of allowing me to reconnect with them after the last year in relative isolation!).
None of this came overnight. It took a ton of practicing, feeling uncomfortable with new people and situations, sticking with it, scheduling meeting connections - a coffee meet, happy hour, or lunch, even after a difficult exchange (remember the mean one? Yep, I went back after developing my professional persona and actually did some business with him!) I identified people in “law world” that I wanted to get to know and then I did it - with time, patience, humility and yes, practice.
Building habits to a sustainable, proficient and expert level so that they become second nature - creating routines, processes, systems - is the practice, and sometimes it’s not pretty! Picking up the phone, calendaring notifications to remind us to resume communications, creating space to be present in the interaction, and being curious, interested and maybe even interesting, all go SO far in developing professional relationships - and it’s SO easy to stand out professionally because most people aren’t practicing this human skill. You can. Is it hard? Absolutely! But hard is hard and we don’t achieve success without putting in the hard work. Just sayin’.
“Dripping water hollows out stone, not through force but through persistence.“ Ovid
Until next time……..